The Bee Chair Debates...

BCD'S LETTERS TO OUR JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL SELVES PART 3

Dear 7th Grade Dustin,

Hey. What’s up? How you doing? Wait, never mind I know how you’re doing. Don’t worry it will get better soon. You will be able to look back and laugh at everything one day. Here are some things I have learned that I want to share with you. Things you maybe could have/should have done differently.

- You know that girl that you like so much? Make out with her cousin, that girl doesn’t like you but her cousin totally does and she’s cute. Get your head out of your ass.

- All the people giving you a hard time right now, they don’t fuckin matter. AT ALL. High School and all that is bullshit, enjoy the stuff you like (even though it’s going to change a lot, trust me) and don’t let them get you down because you will never see most of those bastards again.

- To spite what I said above, you’re a dork. Stop it! Look at the size of your glasses. How big do they need to be? And dress pants with sneakers? I know Seinfeld can pull it off, but he’s not cool either. You could be so much cooler if you just relax a little bit.

- Don’t worry so much about making the tennis team, everyone does. You’re in.

- When you take your first driving test some douche is going to pull out in the middle of your three point turn and you will fail because of it. Shoot that man before the test starts, no one will catch you.

- Go to the Prom you idiot. So what if it’s going to save you money to stay home. You end up sitting at a friends house thinking, “Wow. This sucks.” While everyone else is partying.

- Start doing stand-up very very soon. You will be so angry with yourself that you didn’t start until later.

- Start drinking by the end of High School. Just do it. Don’t ask me why!

- Dad is always right. I don’t know why but he is. Yes, it will infuriate you, but he keeps being right time after time. My theory is that it’s because he’s already made all the stupid mistakes you are about to make. Listen to him every so often. Trust me.

I think that’s it. And oh yeah, don’t pick up and air conditioner from the back, don’t drink Arbor Mist and when your parents go on vacation don’t drive the car. You will get into accident both times.

See ya soon.

Dustin

posted by Dustin D'Addato at 11:15 PM