The Bee Chair Debates...

BCD’S TREATISE ON THE OVERUSE OF A CERTAIN WORD:

Amazing

By Kristen

Last week, during a quest for the ever-elusive Bra That Fits™, I overheard a twenty-something punk lady describe her new pair of blue Cons as “amazing.” Now, they were an eye-pleasing hue, undoubtedly comfortable, and didn’t make said shoe-donner look stumpy or club-footed.

However, for the love of all that is holy and pure, they were NOT amazing.

Maybe it’s the dark influence of Rachael Ray, or a sudden, nationwide hatred of adjectives, but “amazing,” like “incredible” and “legendary,” has gradually become meaningless; a word casually laid on everything from nail polish to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. And while the former is pretty, and the latter darn tasty, neither reaches the lofty heights of “amazing.” For that matter, your brother’s talent for pooping on command isn’t “incredible,” and whoever refers to Sheryl Crow as “legendary” should be shot in the face.

Using “amazing” on occasion isn’t necessarily bad, because some things are undeniably so. The problem is, we seem to have lost our ability to discern between what’s “amazing” and what’s just “pretty good” or even, “not amazing at all.” Let’s take a minute and examine the differences:

AMAZING:
The Grand Canyon
The Declaration of Independence
Freddie Mercury
People who join the Peace Corps
The Miracle of Life (squishy and commonplace, but still mysterious and pretty neat)

NOT AMAZING:
New eyeliner
Twizzlers
Derek Jeter’s commitment to a game he is paid $87 billion dollars to play
People who join BMG to get 10 CDs for the price of one
“Butterfly Kisses”

Of course, there are some situations which could catapult decidedly NOT AMAZING things into the AMAZING category. If that new eyeliner was made from dodo blood and gave its wearer power over Switzerland, it would be pretty amazing. It would also be amazing if Twizzlers were delivered from on high by the syphilis-ridden ghost of Catherine the Great. “Butterfly Kisses” might be amazing if … uh … forget it. There are no circumstances under which “Butterfly Kisses” could be considered amazing. But you get the picture.

What’s strangest about “amazing” is that it’s almost negligibly descriptive; it’s more of a comment on the person who dares to utter it out loud. You say you’re amazed by your new socks? That the end of Benchwarmers was totally amazing? That FEMA director Mike Brown did an amazingly good job with Hurricane Katrina? YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE.

There is hope, for “amazing,” “fantastic,” “spectacular,” and every other hyperbolic descriptive that’s been beaten into a vocabulary coma. Next time you look at a spoon and think, “Spoons are amazing,” stop yourself. Consult your mental thesaurus and slug another word in there: concave, utilitarian, spoonerrific. Make this a practice, and your brain’s glossary will increase tenfold. Let others know about it, and the shift in national lexicon will stun you. Exaggeration will give way to understatement. Exaltation will bow to accuracy. Bucky’s performance on his last American Idol will be “atonal and grating,” instead of motherf*#%ing “magical.”

In a word, the change will be amazing.

posted by Kris at 10:38 AM