It’s Martini Time
by Ian Fish
When I saw the ad in L magazine that BCD was searching highball and Löw-enbräu for a drinks editor, I just had to come forward and express my interest in hopping onto that wagon. I don’t claim to know about the mintest bars and juleppest lounges. I come to share my wisdom through experience concerning all things alcoholic- from Madam Rosmerta’s Butterbeer to the panacean Nyquil that my upstairs neighbor so strongly espouses. Rather than start from the very beginning of alcohol consumption, which we can only assume was some Greek dude with really old grape juice, I would like to start with one third of the businessman’s lunch, the martini.
The Martini has come a long way from her gin and dry vermouth roots. A classic Martini is simply a chilled 5:1 ratio of Gin to dry vermouth. Gin is flavored with juniper berries, which come from a small evergreen tree, which explains the scent and flavor of Christmas that some associate with gin; I had previously thought it was because my uncle Billy whom I saw every Christmas was always so fond of the spirit. Vermouth is white wine that I recommend highly against drinking straight because it’s yucky. In some sort of cosmic coincidence, the best-selling dry vermouth is actually called Martini & Rossi.
The most highly requested martini these days is the vodka martini, in which vodka is used in place of the gin, as many people do not like being reminded of uncle Billy and other such Yuletide memories. Furthermore, the vermouth is also rarely used; this is likely due to the word vermouth itself and the image it conjures (vermouth is a chimerical word made up of ver, meaning green, and mouth, meaning perineum).
Statisticians estimate the actual number of martini variations is around 6.6 billion. That is one for every human, even including newborn Chinese girls. Today, in the modern postmodern world, a premodern cocktail can be recreated using anything that will fit in a conical glass*. I have below, the recipe for a martini created by the winner of the Wilmington County Elementary soda can tabathon. Whatever martini variation you are currently drinking, feel free to buy me one next time you see me, because I taught you things.
Chawclette Fortini
1 oz. Chaw, moist
1 oz. Raclette
¼ oz. Chocolate Coin, unwrapped
2 oz. Forty (St. Ides, Colt 45 etc.)
Shake with ice and strain into chilled martini glass. Unjoy!
*Visit my website if you are interested in the recipe for my personal favorite martini, the boobtini.
posted by Kris at
11:34 AM
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