The Bee Chair Debates...

• Work.
• Sleep.
• Eat brownies.
• Watch worst "Sopranos" episode ever (The Ride).
• Watch best "Sopranos" episode ever (Long Term Parking).
• Watch parts of "Robot Chicken" on Youtube.com.
• Giggle until chili threatens to come out through my nose and get all over my shorts.
• Brainstorm karaoke list with former "Person Who Rocks" Ryan Sturt.
• Wonder, should we ever attempt "I Got You Babe," who'll get stuck being Sonny Bono. Probably me, I think. R.I.P.S., Sonny (Rest in Palm Springs).
• Check score on Mets game. See they're up 10-zip in top of 3rd. Mama likes.
• Look at baby pictures from my friend Jen, who gave birth over the weekend. Note that she’s moved from merely "hot" to "MILF,” and that that’s very exciting.
• Wonder why everyone I know is named Jen, or some variation of Chris. Was this a '70s thing?
• RSVP to two bridal showers. Weep a little. Not because I want to get married, but because bridal showers blow.
• Ponder organizing rebellion to confront this terrible affliction to our gender.
• Eat more brownies.
• Talk to my sister, Linda Swensson, about mentioning Linda Swensson online, because when you Google the name Linda Swensson, the only thing that currently comes up is a Brown graduate named Linda Swensson who wrote her Master's Thesis on "Phenomology's approach and some related problems in attempting to formulate the necessary criteria of validity." I don't know what that means, but it made my Linda Swensson feel sad. So, Linda Swensson. Also, Linda Swensson.
• Linda Swensson.
• Laundry! Which, a friend claims is one of the best household activities in the world - minimal effort, huge reward, instant gratification. He’s right.
• Eat additional brownies.
• Fart.
• Linda Swensson.
• Wonder if I should have admitted the farting thing. Not a good way to get dates and candy and such.
• Decide with Rach that if we ever adopt a dog, we'll name it Alan. That way, we can say things like, "Oh, Alan, you peed on the rug again," and "Alan, please stop licking Jeff."
• Stare at paper longingly.
• Read “My So-Called Life” quotes off IMDB. Become wistful.
• Read “The Colbert Show” quotes off IMDB. Wish to holy hell I could write like that.
• Talk to my mom, who got an A in her management class after receiving a 101 on the final. A 101? Is that even possible? For My Mom the Dork, yes.
• Wonder if a TV series called "My Mom the Dork" could totally work.
• Decide that it wouldn't. "My Mother the Car" ruined it for everybody.
• Watch "Top Chef" and fall in love with Harold a little.
• Read Bill Simmons’ new column on ESPN’s Page 2 (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060510), and get super-mad that he thinks women would actually participate in something that dumb.
• Realize that women, including me, would totally participate in something that dumb.
• Wonder how I can get in on the action. I’d make millions, I tell ya. Millions.
• Kill a spider, which made its way onto my closet door by the sheer will of Satan.
• Continue examining closet door for arachnid kin, lest another of their kind invade my happy space.
• Have a dream where I caution Lindsay Lohan not to get breast implants at such a young age, because they will give her stretch marks.
• Wonder why my feet always get so black walking around in New York with flip-flops on. Is that just dirt? Or something more sinister?
• Eat remaining brownies.
• Linda Swensson.

posted by Kris at 11:15 AM